Hey all, I've updated Longy's Wikipedia page. Go check it out, then let me know what you think...or just change it so that it's better. Still, I'd appreciate feedback. Thanks!
I think that's a good idea to complete the Longy site! However, there are some stilistic things I was wondering about:
This is supposed to be an independent article, and maybe an independent person wouldn't use words like exciting... I also think that you should never talk in 1st person presenting a subject neutrally. This is just what I thought after the first reading; my own English sucks, so if you agree you can change it much better than I could.
Just write something that fits better to the first part of the article - what you wrote is really good, but it sounds more like an advertisement for the school than just information...
Haha, good point. I sometimes feel like a walking advertisement for Longy, what with everything that I'm involved in. I'll look over it and see how I can try and provide a more objective viewpoint.
Wow and wonderful!!! How do you attach pics. or videos onto the wiki. page?
ReplyDeletehey mr. twinky,
ReplyDeleteI think that's a good idea to complete the Longy site! However, there are some stilistic things I was wondering about:
This is supposed to be an independent article, and maybe an independent person wouldn't use words like exciting... I also think that you should never talk in 1st person presenting a subject neutrally. This is just what I thought after the first reading; my own English sucks, so if you agree you can change it much better than I could.
Just write something that fits better to the first part of the article - what you wrote is really good, but it sounds more like an advertisement for the school than just information...
Haha, good point. I sometimes feel like a walking advertisement for Longy, what with everything that I'm involved in. I'll look over it and see how I can try and provide a more objective viewpoint.
ReplyDelete